When I think of what men in general want, I'm pretty sure I can break it down into two simple categories. The thing is, those two categories each have a million subcategories. You will know more than anyone what your man wants, but it also takes time and energy to really dip deep and figure those things out. Here is what I have discovered upon being married for almost ten years, not necessarily about what he wants, but what he most loves about me.
What do men most want in a woman?
1. A woman who is affectionate and desires him.
2. A woman who admires and respects him.
So, there you have it. Seems pretty attainable and simple, right? Wrong.
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My husband is a wonderful man. He is full of surprises that keep me on my feet, but he is anything but simple - and what he wants is sometimes very hard for me to pinpoint. In fact, there are times I might have more luck looking for the long-lost Merchant Royal ship than figuring out his needs.
Stated above is a simple breakdown of what men in general might want. But what we need to realize as their spouse's, is that they really do go much deeper than that, whether they want to admit it or not.
I know that I married someone who is very different, special, and eclectic in comparison to other men. He is European, masculine, adventurous, stylish, attractive, brilliantly smart, loves Jesus, has an opinion about what color of pillows we have, AND goes shopping with me.
I mean, he's the full package and I consider myself a very blessed woman. But it's also taken me a very long time to figure all of the ins and outs of his needs, as well as the things I can offer to him that he loves. I desire to be the woman he wants, and I know that deep down I am because he doesn't have unrealistic expectations of me.
But I also want to make sure that without changing who I am, I am being attentive to what it is that he wants. If I stop trying to do that, it means I've stopped trying to get to know him more. It's from there that relationship problems begin to take root - when we've stopped trying.
I screw up on a daily basis of being the wife I know he deserves, but thankfully that is what a relationship can be about if you give it grace - trial and error.
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Digger a little deeper as to what those subcategories are
Affection & Sex
It's no surprise that this is how men work. Did you know that in your marriage, a man feels most loved when their physical needs are met, as well as when they are respected?
Both are the surest way to a man's heart. It's how God made them. Just like you feel loved when your husband is understanding, kind, and gentle, he feels loved when you are intimate and respectful.
So what do men desire under the affection/sex category?
a.) An attractive spouse - not by anyone else's standards, but by their own. If he picked you, you're most likely already giving him what he wants in that!
b.) For us to desire them - Guys don't always want to initiate. They love it when we show interest.
c.) Confidence in who we are.
d.) For us to take care of ourselves, not only physically but also mentally.
e.) A real connection with YOU.
f.) Surprise and passion.
Admiration and Respect
Men are complicated. I don't care what anyone else says. They might say they aren't, but their subcategories can go so deep down that you can get easily lost in that man cave. Here are some ways that we as women can show our loved one respect. By the way, if you want to know what healthy respect looks like, read this.
All of the links go more in-depth on each topic.
c.) Give helpful opinions - not ones that are laced with selfishness or ulterior motives.
e.) A best friend to do things with that he enjoys as well.
f.) Someone he can talk to about anything - even the tough stuff without being judged.
g.) A life-giver, not a soul sucker.
j.) Waiting to address something you're upset about when you're alone and not at a dinner party.
k.) A woman who doesn't correct his parenting skills in front of your kids.
l.) Goes on adventures with him.
m.) Say yes more than no.
o.) In hard times, a shoulder to lean on and the ability to sometimes be stronger than he is.
s.) Accepting of who he is, how he is.
t.) Listen attentively to those seldom moments he opens up and shares his heart.
u.) A gentle and quiet spirit.
v.) Passionate in pursuing your own dreams.
w.) Someone who doesn't give up - loyal.
y.) Has her own friends and hobbies.
z.) Stylish and takes care of herself.
Marriage books I LOVE and recommend
There you have it. What I believe men most want in a woman/wife/partner under two main categories.
Men most feel loved when they are respected and desired physically. If you try and show them the same kind of love you desire, you might be missing the mark because they just don't tick the way we do.
As always, it's a two-way street. But there may be times when you have to step up and do some of those things possibly without "feeling" like it.
There have so many times in my relationships when one of us has to keep things going, even when the other isn't as willing. This is SO normal in any relationship. When you both are at a place of giving up or not trying anymore is probably the worst place to be, but you can always break the cycle if you are willing!