Discovering your self-worth, gaining confidence, and loving yourself the way you are.
The many untruths we tell ourselves
This morning at the breakfast table, my son taught my husband and I how to make a paper boat. He was thrilled at the fact that he could teach US something for once, instead of us always having the answers. I was fascinated that my seven-year-old not only knew how to do this, but that he desired to pass along his knowledge with such enthusiasm and responsibility. Isn't that what we all want? To have the answers? To show the world just how much we know; just how much we have to offer?
The older I get, what I think I know and what I actually know, sometimes beckons a harsh wake-up call. Depending on my emotions, I sway back and forth between thinking I have all the answers, and falling apart at the seems because I realize I know nothing at all.
But, I'm glad I have realized this. I'm accepting that the trials God sometimes allows in my life produce balance in my heart. It's important for us to know we don't always have the answers or can always control our circumstances. But it's also crucial to know that because of who God has created us to be, we can succeed in life. Not in a superficial, "I'm successful because I have and do XYZ" kind of way, but because we can learn to happy and content with who we are. To me, that is a success. To finally acknowledge and recognize God's plan for your life - who you are in Him.
As a woman, I find this a hard balance to obtain. One moment, I err on the side of pride, believing that I can do it all on my own, and the next moment I loathe myself based on lies I believe - such futile thoughts like not having a good hair day, or letting myself become gradually and negatively affected by something harsh someone said to me.
Do you do this, or am I alone here? Are you constantly questioning yourself, who you are, and whether or not you have become the person you want to be?
I think we all do at some point. I believe discovering your self-worth and has a lot to do with relinquishing your rights to knowing everything and having it all together. It comes with humility, but also with digging deep and healing from certain wounds we never knew were there.
In my latest ebook Beautiful Me, I talk about such things. It only scratches the surface to name a few lies you believe and acknowledge their presence - you need to figure out why they come to your mind in the first place.
Throughout this book, you can learn how to find balance in how you see yourself. To have confidence in who you are, but also pervade a graceful humility. It's the difference between a woman who loves herself because of her own accomplishments, success, outward beauty, or a woman who loves herself because she knows she is created for a purpose and a plan. She knows that her beauty, wit, character, and presence is something to be admired. It's the difference between a lasting and obtainable self-worth, versus a fleeting and superficial confidence.
To me, that is the definition of a someone I want to be. I want to use my self-worth to serve others better, not to put myself on some pedestal. This requires a balance of thought and continually looking within. Self-reflecting on the areas we can grow, yet at the same time accepting we aren't perfect.
This is only scratching the surface, but I believe that these are some surefire ways that we are sabbatoging our best efforts in having a healthy self-esteem, and they mostly come from our minds.
5 Lies Most Women Believe That Hinders Their Self-Worth
1. I cannot walk in continuous victory over my sin
"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, " - Ephesians 3:18-20
So yeah, YOU might not be able to have victory, but HE can. What's better? He already has!
Recognizing who we are and who God is has EVERYTHING to do with this. His love for us surpasses our knowledge, as stated above. Not only that, he can do beyond whatever we could ask or imagine. If you think you can't get through, overcome, manage, the trials you're facing, then check this out.
2. I need to meet a certain standard to be acceptable
This one had me tangled up in a web I weaved for myself for many years. Achieving a certain standard I had set for myself for a variety of reasons was my purpose. I would write a song and immediately hate it. It wasn't good enough; I wasn't good enough. I couldn't enjoy my life or take advantage of all the blessings I already had, because I was constantly searching and looking for more blessings. When I didn't get them, I questioned it all.
Living in the now and consciously dwelling on the many blessings I already have - aka gratitude - is a fantastic way to begin to see your worth. Why? Because you won't be fighting for a version of yourself or a perceived better environment that doesn't exist. More money won't make you happy. A tighter butt might make you slightly more satisfied, but it won't last long. But do you see what I mean? You will never become the version you set for yourself if you're always looking for something harder (buttox wise), better, stronger, or faster, as Daft Punk puts it. Have you? If you have, I would love to know your thoughts.
In my experience, the only thing that continues to drive my self-worth is healing from my past, identifying lies I am believing, and recognizing my potential - all matters discussed in Beautiful Me. Without healing from all the damage I had caused myself, I couldn't move forward. Without abolishing the lies I believe on a daily basis, I can't believe the truth. And without recognizing who I am in Christ, I can't have a stable foundation of how to see myself.
3. My Marriage isn't Worth Saving
Okay, before you let your mind go there, try out my free My Husband, My Hero 30 Day Challenge. Marriage is SO hard, but you can do something about it not falling apart today. It will begin with you, but I guarantee, you won't regret it. Join hundreds of other women who have had great success in turning their marriages around.
Many times, our relationships are affected directly because of our relationship with ourself. If we aren't healing, growing personally and continuously tuning our hearts, our relationships will suffer as well.
Not only will this challenge give you some great ideas on how you can shower your husband with love and respect, but it will also help you see your part of the problem, which is all you can control anyway.
Here are some more great resources to strengthen your relationship today
4. I can't do this
It's so easy to get sucked into this lie. I find myself thinking and saying it a lot, justifying that just because I feel defeated, I can succumb to this mindset and throw a fit like a toddler.
It won't help. It never has. Sure, there is a moment for brutal honesty with myself and feelings of anger and frustration that need to be "felt." But it's what I do with those emotions and feelings that will make all the difference.
I go through my days instilling a "YOU CAN DO IT!" mentality in my son, all the while, attempting to untangle a drawstring in my pants will throw me into a frenzy that ends in yet another, 'I can't do this life' thought process. It's usually the little frustrations that magnify something more profound I haven't dealt with yet.
5. I must make everyone happy
Nope! It's not your job and goes hand-in-hand with wanting to control everything.
Learning to stop the people pleasing after years of people pleasing can be a daunting task, but might prove helpful to look into. Not everyone believes this lie, but it's VERY common among women.
Discovering what causes such actions can have a lot to do with your past and how you were raised. Healing through this process is also discussed in my ebook. Once you heal through such a burden, you will be amazed at how free you feel, not only because you've let go of a lie, but because you live your life without fearing what others think of you.