2 minute read
For some reason, men have a hard time opening up emotionally. For whatever reason, getting them to share what’s happening under the hood is like herding cats.
So the question is — are men really emotionally detached or are they just wired to not share their deepest and darkest with us women?
I believe both are inherently true.
From a guys perspective, they need to have it all together no matter what, so they detach from their feelings so that they CAN keep it all together. And if a guy truly shares with you what’s going on in his heart, he would tell you that every day, he hopes to God no one figures out what a failure he is — especially you. So why would he want to share that with you? If you ask me, that’s a lot to carry on one’s shoulders.
A guy being transparent about such things is hard to come by — possibly because of the standard that society holds him to; possibly because you are unintentionally disregarding his feelings or giving him the impression that he HAS to hold it together — otherwise the family would fall apart.
But the truth is, men have MANY feelings, and they translate into these emotional needs that people rarely talk about.
Understanding Men Emotionally
He needs you to tell him you’re proud of him
Men LIVE to make their woman proud. Whether they admit that or not, they want to impress you. By impressing you, I mean with what he does on a daily basis — going to work, fixing things, caring for his family (even if it’s financially).
In order for him to feel like he is doing his job as a husband or father, he needs to hear it come from YOUR mouth.
So many things go left unsaid in my mind. I catch myself thinking that my husband doesn’t need to hear how much I appreciate him — surely he already knows it. But what is not said, is not known. He can’t read your mind, and this is a deep rooted need of his that he will rarely express to you.
He needs you to be his best friend
Friendship is one of the 7 basic elements of a healthy relationship. When your husband can call you his best friend, it will mean more to him than you think.
Friendship consists of not only spending time together, but also doing activities that are meaningful to the other person; meeting them where they are at. It also means being transparent with one another while no judgement is attached.
He needs you to trust him with your heart
What does this mean? It means that whether or not he has been fully capable of handling your heart with care, he still needs you to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Your spouse will undoubteldy hurt you. You have a choice of whether or not you’re going to forgive and trust again, or take that piece of it, lock it up, and hold onto it until you feel like letting it go.
Trust in a relationship is a HUGE deal, and one that our’s has personally struggled with. But when you can have grace for the fact that your husband will never be perfect — neither will you — then you can begin to let trust grow. Grace will knock down all expectations of perfection, and replace it with commitment and the willingness to see things through.
He needs you to accept him for who he is
Most people don’t like change or to be changed, and trying to change someone is a daunting task in and of itself. You are no more in control of changing someone than you’re in control of the weather. And even though deep down we know this, we attempt it anyway.
Trying to change your husband looks different for everyone. While some women do it outright, other’s subtly manipulate, and some women are blissfully unaware of it.
Any of these can cause a man to shut down and withdraw.
What he really needs from you is to accept him for who he is, flaws and missteps attached. The funny thing is, the more you can accept him for who he is, the more he can become who you need. When you take yourself out of the equation, God is able to work in your husbands life the way He needs.
Not that God can’t work in his life with you attempting to do the same. But if you can take a step back, accept him for who he is, and let go of control in this area, it will not only take the burden off of your shoulders that you should have never placed there in the first place — it will cause your husband to truly the be the person God wants him to be.
He needs you to be into him
Whether that means initiating intimacy, or holding his hand in public. Men need to be needed in an affectionate way. Obviously, this is very relative to the guy but most men, surprisingly, love to be shown affection in more ways that physically.
Using your words to tell him how amazing he is, how much you appreciate him, will work wonders in meeting his emotional needs. In the same way you need these things, so does he.
Men have many emotional needs that require a little digging and effort on our part. Don’t neglect the fact that your husband has emotional needs, just like you. While he is trying to keep it all together, on the inside, he could feel like he can’t share what those needs are. Perhaps he isn’t even aware of what they are.
Ask meaningful questions, compliment who he is, admire him, trust him with your heart, be his best friend. I assure you, this will speak to his heart in incredible ways.
Sometimes, taking control of your relationship just means meeting the needs of your spouse. Everything else will fall into place.