Turns out men have some questions about PMS. Let me try and answer some of them.
Upon writing this article, I asked my husband if he had any questions about PMS, either now or before we were married. To my surprise, he said he wished he would have known what PMS was before we got married. He knew about the physical aspects of a woman getting her period, but not the emotional pre-menstrual crap that women deal with, along with the physical.
I had to laugh. Are you kidding me?! I had no idea he didn’t know what it was. Not to mention, would he have still married me, knowing then what he knows now? Yikes.
I knew he grew up in a small German village, raised in a conservative family with no sisters, but really?! How can one not know what a woman goes through once a month? I guess I have learned something new, as well as gained some insight into the fact that maybe men just don’t know.
And upon not knowing, how can they really help or know how to be there for their wives if they have no knowledge of PMS?
He also informed me of another question men have.
“WHY? JUST, WHY? And, how can you as the woman make it go away?”
That being said, I put up with a lot, and this gives you a glimpse of that.
How men currently approach PMS—with a 10 foot stick
Men and PMS has never been the most open and honest of relationships. A man can embrace his partner, but why can’t he embrace the most feminine aspect about her—her period? Begs the question, if he can’t embrace her period, is he really embracing her?
When I think about men and PMS, I imagine a handful of guys standing around a uterus on the ground as if it’s an alien from outer space, poking at it with a stick and provoking it to attack. No form of communication is attempted—just poking.
Men have many questions about PMS that, either, they don’t know how to ask, or don’t know whether they should ask at all. It’s with these questions being answered that men can begin to embrace their partners, her special days from hell, and all.
Being married for ten years, I have a lot to say about PMS and how it has affected my marriage. Let’s just say we have thankfully grown through it, instead of letting it bring us to ruin.
Coming from a family of women who have strong hormonal “imbalances,” have you, my relationship with my period has never been a positive one. The word period or PMS was ALWAYS something to be wary of, knowing it leads to crazy outbursts of anger, depression, anxiety, and many other mental and physical health issues.
No one wanted to awaken the dragon inside the female.
Now that I am in my thirties, I am bracing myself—hearing from my mom that it’s your thirties that bring you to a complete mental breakdown. Thanks to my inherited hormonal issues, it is this I look forward to until I reach my sweet, heavenly menopause stage of womanhood. No seriously, I can’t wait for menopause.
As I know that I should embrace my period and welcome it with rays of sunshine like all the hippies, I can’t bring myself to. I want to kill it by removing my uterus, stab it a million times, chop it up like ceviche, and burn it in a fire. Then, I want to take the ashes and flush them down the toilet.
If you’re like me—dreadfully awaiting the days you turn into a werwolf—then you are probably giving a little breath out through your nose laugh as you read this, saying ‘yes, that’s exactly how I feel.’
I know you’re out there.
I blame PMS for making my difficult circumstances seem as though they were impossible to overcome. I blame PMS for some of the struggles in my marriage. And if I’m completely honest, I blame PMS for my spouts of depression, which at one point, led me to almost end my own life.
Goes to say, my husband has many times been at a loss in how to come alongside me. From my point of view, all he needs to do is send me far away to some resort on a desolate island for two weeks out of the month. From his point of view, his wife is cray-cray.
That being said, I really do want to learn how to embrace my bi-monthly multiple personality—the Gollum within. He too needs love. As I age and become wise, I realize that there are really great natural remedies for PMS, including what you eat, supplements to take, and the power of positive thinking.
I am currently testing a supplement that will supposedly reduce the negative effects of PMS by 81%. So far so good, and I’m a month into it. More on that in another post.
Back to the burning questions of men, I want to give a shout out to men who are able to accept their partners, PMS and all, with open and loving arms. It’s not easy for us women to embrace and accept it for ourselves, so if you can—as a partner to those of us who get a special kind of PMS—embrace her, then you are a good, good man.
If you are one of the good, good men like my husband, then you may have had these burning questions at some point in your relationship. Knowing that knowledge of something you don’t understand can help you along the way, you venture out from the normal poking of the alien, to try and speak its language. I’m here to help.
Questions men have about PMS
Burning Question #1
Why!? Just why do women get so emotional during their PMS?
A woman’s period is as much a part of her as her vagina, so deal with it. Why did God create us this way, you ask? Who knows. My only explanation is that God knew women can endure more than men can. Sorry, we just can. Imagine a man giving birth. Exactly. You can’t.
My unscientific answer to this question. Because women take the brunt of things in life, it’s during their periods they have the right to be emotional and crazy. Everything women embrace; PMS, childbirth, rearing children, discrimination, men—all comes with the notion that she has to keep it all together.
When shark week finally comes, it’s a way for her to let it all out in a way that says,
“I don’t have it all together, and that’s okay.”
What you can do to help?
If you are asking this question at all, then you are on the right track. If you are even willing to be a support for your spouse and not hold it biology against her, then props to that.
When she is emotional during her PMS, be a shoulder for her to cry on. Let her express herself, even if you are the punching bag. Okay, maybe that goes too far.
But just recognize that it’s the one time she feels justified in actually feeling her feelings.
The other days, she is trying to make it all work. She is making sure the children are fed, the man-child (you) is fed, the laundry is done, her body groomed and fit, ready to go if you need a little lovin.’ She tends to the emotional, physical, and everything-al of everyone.
In the midst of doing all of those things, she feels guilty when she takes a little time for herself to watch a show or take a nap.
She is, on most days, a put together rockstar. So on the few days she isn’t feeling like one, you have the power to make her see that she definitely IS, even when she isn’t “put together.”
Burning Question # 2
Can you make it go away?
This is kind of a joke—kind of not. Another one of my husbands “questions” when he was attempting to be funny. Not funny.
Obviously, there is a clear and profound answer to this question. NO.
We can’t make it go away, which is the most frustrating thing about it. The fact that you want it to go away is even more frustrating. Our periods come and go so many times—I did the math—we are experiencing some form of PMS effect for 1/3 of our lives. For a woman who lives to be 90, she will be PMSing for 30 years if it.
Talk about affliction.
Then, you ask - can you make it go away?
Well, no, but I can make you go away. In fact, I read some article somewhere (sorry no reference link, but don’t take my word for it) that 90% of women who have committed a crime (possibly murdering their spouse,) were under the influence of PMS. Bam. That’s profound and morbid all at the same time.
What can you do to help?
You can accept that a woman’s PMS is apart of her, and the sooner you accept that, the better. Stop approaching it with a 10 foot stick, bring her closer so you can bear it together—that is, if she allows you to get close.
Burning question #3
What should I avoid in PMSing woman’s presence?
Pretty much anything. Don’t do it. Don’t.
But really, don’t talk or bring up anything that might be confrontational. If there is a big discussion you need to have that could amount to something difficult—wait a few days. Timing is of the utmost importance here.
Because we are focused on getting through, we don’t need any other stones or surprises thrown our way in the process.
Also, don’t expect affection. It will happen on her terms, not yours. And if you do decide to make a move, just BEWARE OF WOMAN. She could be a nice dog, or a mean one. Whether she wants to want you is up to her physical reaction to the swinging and instability of her hormones.
You could get a love bite, or she could break the skin.
One thing you should NEVER do, is make a stab at the fact that she is PMSing. Asking any questions that refer to the fact that she’s PMSing should be excluded, sent to never-ever land, and burned at the stake.
She knows she is PMSing, so she doesn’t need someone to ask if she is PMSing. She’s so aware of it that a gallon of blood is about to come out of her at a moments notice. She has to be sure that something resembling a cup or a wad of cotton is always available, so she’s not caught by surprise while she’s out and about buying food to make your dinner.
While she’s worrying about whether or not the shoved up objects inside of her will fail or not, you are asking her if she’s PMSing!? Just don’t.
What you can do to help?
What i just said. That’s all.
Burning Question #4
How long will it last?
Like I said, 30 years. Oh wait, I forgot to subtract the time after she goes through menopause. Oh well, it’s a guesstimate.
If you need it spelled out for you, ovulation is, for some women, more emotionally difficult than PMS itself. Which means, a few days at ovulation, she isn’t herself. Then, a week before Aunt Flo comes to visit, she is an emotional wreck; most likely tired, puffy, hallucinating while staring at herself in the mirror.
All in all, I would say that 10-14 days of the month she is not herself. That’s 1/3 of the month, and 1/3 of her lifetime, which is 30 years of hell. Does that answer your question?
Then, when she’s old and feeble from life, she gets a break.
Burning Question #5
Why are women so spacey when they’re PMSing?
Because all the blood that should be going to her brain, is exiting her. Again, my unknowledgeable, un-scientific answer to this question.
Just make sure you have her back. She might be running a red light, putting the dryer sheets in the oven, or putting earplugs in her babies mouth instead of a pacifier (actually happened to me, but I think that was also due to a lack of sleep.) Don’t worry, nothing happened.
Keep an eye out. Make yourself useful and don’t get upset when she forgets to put the laundry in the dryer, leaving your clothes smelling like the bottom of a fish tank. Have grace for when she makes muffins with salt instead of sugar.
It will do you no good to criticize, so be gentle and lend her a helping hand. The science behind why she is not mentally there is real. I just don’t know the exact science, but trust me when I say—having grace for a PMSing woman, will be the best thing you can do for her.
Burning Question #6
Why does she hate me when she’s PMSing?
Why can’t you be satisfied with the fact that you are her everything for 2/3 of her life?
What you SHOULD be asking is why don’t you like HER when she’s PMSing? Okay, don’t answer that.
But seriously, she doesn’t hate you. She hates it when you chew, so don’t chew. She hates it when you fart while you’re sitting next to her, even though her farts have doubled in occurrence and smell like they could wipeout an entire jungle of elephants in one blow. But just remember, it’s your farts that are the problem.
She doesn’t hate you, no…she hates that you think you’re funny. Just because that same joke make her laugh a week ago, doesn’t give you the right to say it again. You should know ahead of time what will make her laugh and what will disgust her.
She hates when you make rash decisions that you both agreed upon the week prior that she has no recollection of. She hates THAT…not you!
Have grace for one another. It’s the single most important aspect of a healthy relationship. If you can have grace, you can get through anything—even PMS. Also, laugh it off. But make sure it’s not during her PMS.
This post is dedicated to my loving, awesome, wonderful husband, who is walking along with me through it all. I love you.